| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|06:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Thank You For The Venom- My Chemical Romance | ] |
Yeah so I'm kinda just getting ready for skewl. Well, I haven't been feeling too hott lately, but I don't know if I'm over it. I just want to go to school. And just not be bothered by anything for a few hours. But school is where the problems originated so I doubt that will help. I mean, by the time schools over, I'll probably be a basket case. I just feel like I'm going through this alone. Everyone else looks so happy. I'd hate to bring them down. And I bet they hate I do. I don't know. Maybe school is exactly what I need right now. Or maybe it's the last thing I need. I don't want to feel alone today. All I do is bitchhhh. Ha. I seriously need to stop. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2005|01:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Operate- Peaches | ] |
Yeah so I'm stuck at homee. I have been soooo stressed lately. Its just soo lame. I just ugh. Iono. But Hope fully things get better. Walking home and seeing a horrible sight in the park really did it. I think Im mostly over the worst. But I know once one problems over with, more come. So all i got to say is, Bring It. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2005|09:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | eisley- telescope eyes | ] |
yeah so skewl is lame. i hate the homework and i just been feeling really tired. and my classes suck. i feel so isolated. and alone. w/e. well, iono. im not rally a independant person. i need someone there i know. ew. |
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| skewll |
[Sep. 8th, 2005|07:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Chemical Romance- Hang 'Em High | ] |
Well yesterday was the first day of skewl. I hated it. I hardly have anoyone to talk to in my classes. It's really lame. I mean, I feel really alone in my classes. And knowing this, it maks me sad. I immideiately expressed my emotion when I arrived at home. I expressed it in a common human way. Well I did "it" all night. I IM'ed people pretending I was fine, barely keeping it in, barely keeping from tlling them how I reacted to this horrible day. Well today is a new day, and hopefully a better one. |
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| NOO. I DONT WANT TO. |
[Aug. 18th, 2005|11:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grumpy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hawthorne Heights- Niki FM | ] |
I dont want to leav to Orgeon. Ugg. So boring. Well I planned on bitching the whole way. But, I guesse Ill just try to have fun. Whoo. Someone kidnap me so I wont have to go. |
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| ugh |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|04:49 pm] |
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I was really trying to do my h.w. So I'm there then my parents start fighting. I did it again.i just wanna finish my homework |
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| Pathetic Me |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|11:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fall Out Boy- Sugar, We're Going Down | ] |
Well I'm certainly a smart little boy. I'm seriously this close. but well I think I'm doing better but I defiantly lost it. I did it again. While my parents slept. While I Instant Messaged people pretending everything was alright. I need help. But i will definately stop cause schools starting and I rally need to pull myself together. Ugh. Summers boring. |
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| oWIE |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|12:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Helena-My Chemical Romance | ] |
Well I actually bled on my bed. There wasn't as much blood at I thought there would be, but it was still blood. It didn't hurt, it was scary though but I didn't know what else to do. I shrapened the file using this knife sharpener my mother bought. I'm home alone and so it made it alot easier. I hope no one notices, ugh something is really wrong with me but I can't quite put my finger on it and this live journal thing is a great outlet. |
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| EFFING WASTE OF TIME |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|10:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'm NOT Okay (I promise)- My Chemical Romance | ] |
HAVE YOU EVER WOKEN UP FROM A REALLY DEEP TRANCE AND REALIZED YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING? WELL TODAY I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT, I WAS TOLD I WAS WASTING MY TIME. I WAS TOLD IT WOULDNT BE A HAPPY ENDING, AND IT WASNT. I TRIED TOO MUCH. I MEAN I WROTE HER A DAMN LETTER. I WASN'T ASKING FOR FORGIVNESS. I WASNT ASKING HER OR BEGGING HER. I JUST WANTED HER NOT TO BE MAD AT ME. I DIDNT ASK FOR HER TO LOVE ME. BUT SHE STILL DIDNT READ IT. SHE REJECTED THE LETTER. THAT LETTER CONTAINED NO SELF PITY AND IT WAS NOT MEANT TO MAKE HER SWOON. SHE STILL DIDNT READ IT. I WASTED MY TIME. ALL THE FEELINGS WASTED AND IT SUCKS ALOT. SHE JUST NEEDED TO TELL ME SOONER BEFORE I FELL SO FAST. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I FEEL SO FUCKING ALONE. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE WANTS ME. NOT EVEN A GULLIBLE INCENCERE GIRL WHO DOESNT CARE ABOUT HOW OTHERS FEEL, WHO KNOWS HOW IT IS TO BE BIPOLAR, WHO KNOWS HOW IT IS TO BE DEPRESSED, WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO THIS PERSON. IM SURE SHE KNOWS WHAT IM GOING THROUGH, AND HOW HORRIBLE IT IS BUT SHE DOESNT NOTHING WHICH MAKES ME THINK SHE WISHED ALL THIS PAIN ON ME. THAT IS SELFISH. I DONT HATE HER, I HATE MYSELF. I DONT KNOW WHY I WASTED MY TIME WHEN IT WASNT EVEN WORTH A TRY. THATS THE THING THAT PISSES ME OFF. I REALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW ANYONE COULD BE SO MEAN. BUT W/E I AM GONNA GET OVER IT AND FORGET. I HOPE I FORGET EVER LIKING HER BECAUSE ALL IT WOULD BE IS A WASTED MEMORY THAT LED TO NO WHERE. I STILL DONT WANT HER TO BE MAD AT ME THOUGH. I REALLY HOPE I FIND SOMEONE WHO IS ACTUALLY WORTH THE TIME AND WANTS WHAT I WANT TO GIVE THEM. I LOST IT. I AM OFFICIALLY GOING TO CHANGE FROM NOW ON. THIS WHOLE CRAPPY ROLLER COASTER OF FEELINGS HAS MADE ME A DIFFERENT PERSON. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW......... |
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| Lame and Hot |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|09:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | No Doubt | ] |
Today is friday!!!Yaay. No More summer school untill monday and that's the last week too. I think I'm drifting from people too mcuh, and have no consideration for others. I feel so selfish and un-helpful. I don't feel my existence is nessary or serves any purpose. Gawd, and this is me feeling good. Wierd. And some people I just can't help notcing how lame they are and you just wanna yell at them for being so retarted. School really sux, even though I'm doink ok, I can easily just fail but I don't wanna cause then it just adds more problems at home. I have so many problems with school, home isn't really helping. My mother more than my father. I am constantly put down and made to feel like an idiot by her. And that obviously doesn't make me feel good. But I went through it all my life, so I'm pretty much used to it.........I hate people who use you and think nothing of it. Wierd thing is, I'm at my best mood right now. I need a car and money and i'll make it through the summer alive. |
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| Ummm........What is this? |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|10:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hawthorne Heights | ] |
Ok, sooo I was totaly told to make a liveJournal thingy. Yeah so here I am. Meow. Hmmm.... Well today was uber hott and still is........and that itself is not hott. Yeah, so i seen her today. I'm not sure she still mad at me, well, as mad as she was. And that whore that started the whole mess. She talked to me. I wanted to say "F@&%# you b&%@#!!!", but i'm generally a nice person and didn't. Its all her fault my crush is mad at me. What a lying bitch. Gawd, I still like her..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|06:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | copeland | ] |
yeah...i made yo shit. you love it. |
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